Unveil Your Romantic side

2006-01-27T07:42:00.000-08:00

Unveil your Romantic Side
Relationships are a little like glaciers; under various pressures, they're always moving and changing, gathering all sorts of debris. But after some time, they move so slowly, it's easy to forget they're there, particularly when you live together. To use a more familiar metaphor, one day your relationship is a wild ride, all loops and corkscrews, and then, out of nowhere, it's mellowed and straightened out. Actually, it's worse than that. It's stagnating. Hey, it happens, and you're not the only one. Relationships require management, like anything else in your life that's as big and complex. One way is to inject a little romance. Now, depending on your definition, you may have to redefine romance a little. It shouldn't always have a direct purpose; in other words, imagine romance as neither a means nor an end. Try to imagine it as something you do for your partner simply because you love them. With all that in mind, the home you share with your partner presents a bunch of romantic opportunities to reignite that stagnating relationship. The following suggestions, centred around the element of surprise, should get you started. In devising your own, plan what you do around your partner's unique tastes. You know them the best, so you would know, for example, that they love chocolate but are currently dieting, or that they hate flowers. Use your inside information. GIVE YOUR PARTNER A MASSAGEYour partner comes home from a horrendous day at work - exhausted and even a little bad-tempered. So what do you do? Offer to give a massage. Using aromatherapy oils, focus on their neck and back, the areas that tend to tense up under stress and cause aches and pains. You can create the mood by dimming the lights and lighting candles; it creates a more relaxing and romantic environment. BRING THEM BREAKFAST IN BEDA classic gesture, breakfast in bed is the proverbial "oldie but goodie." Get up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning and prepare breakfast just the way your partner likes it, with toast, fresh fruit, tea, idlis or whatever. Then surprise them by serving it in bed. Another great way to start the day.WRITE ROMANTIC NOTESThe love letter or love note is an amazing thing; little effort is required to write your partner one, and yet you can express so much. So write them a few creative, unique love notes and leave them in unexpected places around the house. For example, in the morning, tape one to the bathroom mirror or to the on top of the newspaper. ORDER IN Order in for dinner and have it waiting for your partner when they get home. Create a romantic setting by recreating a restaurant feel on the dining room table or in the balcony, complete with plates, silverware and cloth napkins. For an extra romantic touch, add candles and a small vase with some flowers. Learn how to set a formal table and surprise your partner with your impeccable taste. Remember: the little details matter most. ENJOY THE COOL WINTERSIn the winter, get a fire going on your rooftop (if your society gives you the access). Then, set up some pillows and blankets, and uncork a bottle of wine. If you want to take things to the next level, have a romantic dinner sitting in front of that otherwise uneventful bonfire.SOME TLC FOR THE FEETBad day or not, if your partner's been running around, their feet are probably sore. Prepare a foot bath for them and follow it up with a short foot massage. If you're a guy, you could even offer to paint her toenails. It might be best to make that last part spontaneous. If, for example, she's planning to do it herself, you can offer your services. You'll be surprised at how romantic -- even erotic -- it can be. BUY HER LINGERIELingerie is win-win. Your girl feels sexy and attractive wearing it, and the benefits for you go without saying. So buy her some nice lingerie and lay it out on the bed for her to find. Think about what she likes, what she'll feel good in, then combine that with your own tastes. DRAW THEM A BATH The bathtub or a shower is one of the most romantic household locales. Ensure that it is clean, then draw them a hot bath and place aroma oils, lufa, and other exotic bath accessories in the bathroom for your partner to discover. If all goes well, they'll invite you to join them. UP THE ROMANCE All these romantic gestures will make your lover happy. If you get rewarded in the process, so much the better, but making those rewards your sole motivation can only lead to disappointment. Just try to do it for them, and see what happens; it will probably come back to you.FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELING CONTACT KAALCHAKRA
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7 steps to Smart Divorce Settlement

2006-01-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

7 steps To Smart Divorce Settlement
We take saat phere and an equal number of vows to solemnise a marriage that is said to unite the two together for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately none holds true when a couple decides to call it quits. While emotional loss is something one can live through, the reality of financial loss that arises after being alone is some thing one has to live with forever. While the emotional loss is equal for both the partners, it is the partner who has no visible means of supporting oneself, who is going suffer financially as well. Divorce settlement, or alimony, is something that one can look forward to for filling the financial gap created after parting ways with the once-loved one. Moreover, there are chances that even this small grace can come to nought for the lack of proper planning. Here are seven steps one must follow to reach a money-smart divorce settlement. Get practical; take it as a business deal The first step one needs to follow strictly is to get past the grief of a broken marriage and think practically for the life ahead. No matter how beautiful a relationship was, it ends messily in most cases. The whole affair of a marriage going awry and troublesome divorce process leaves one hurt, angry and overwhelmed with anxiety, fear and despair. The person is always engrossed with the past and present, but rarely thinks about the future. Moreover, number-crunching is the last thing that comes to one’s mind. However, money matters should be at the centre of the whole process if one wants to get a fair settlement out of a broken marriage. Experts say that one should think financially and act legally to get a fair deal. The best idea is to take the whole process as a business deal, where two partners are going their separate ways. After all, who is going to care if you keep on cursing your fate and your ex-partner after moving out of a relationship? Know your rights In India, there is not one single secular law that governs marriages. There are separate community laws for marriages and a divorce is governed by the particular law under which the marriage had been registered. However, in the case of marriages registered under Special Marriages Act, all the personal laws are superseded. Under the Hindu Marriage Act, a woman can look forward of three kind of payments from her husband after divorce - a lump sum payment called alimony, a monthly amount called maintenance and in some cases both alimony and maintenance. The law also provides for a reverse settlement, where a non-earning husband receives the payment from his earning wife. The law asks a husband to take care of the woman's reasonable needs after the divorce, but there is no clear decree that defines the reasonable needs. The court usually decides the settlement amount on the basis of income, property and individual financial needs of both the husband and wife. However, the onus lies on the one seeking the settlement money, which is the wife in most cases, to prove the worth of the other partner and his/her capacity to pay the amount demanded. Be prepared right from the beginning Most of the preparations and precautions that one needs for getting a fair deal should ideally start much before the divorce bug hits a relationship. In fact, one should be ready for this unfortunate event and plan accordingly from the very beginning of the marriage, or sometimes from even before the marriage takes place. This is quite common in the west and pre-nuptial agreements are routinely signed in celeb marriages keeping such an eventuality in mind. Unfortunately in India, talking about divorce and related money matters is considered a big taboo. But just as we plan for a death in the family, there must be proper planning in case of marriage as well. A proper, equal and transparent financial planning between a couple not only makes the whole settlement process fair and fast, it can avoid a lot of unfortunate events that often lead to divorce. A number of research reports have said that money matters are the biggest cause of a divorce. After a divorce, the one who is financially naive, mostly the wife, often gets a raw deal. In a marriage, the husband often takes care of household financial matters, even if the wife is also earning. However, this setup often leaves a woman high and dry after the divorce, when it comes to handling household expenses and other financial matters. No matter, how big an alimony you get, it will be of no use if you have taken a back seat in household financial affairs. Both the partners should also keep proper financial records, along with clear titles of all the high-value items in a house. Divorce cases have also been seen to have moved into the territory of who keeps the costly paintings and carpets that were purchased without any bills to prove exact proprietorship. Ideally, both the spouses should credit their salaries or incomes into a joint account to run household expenses. The couples should also make their savings and investments in joint name with a fair proportion and both the partners should have a clear idea and access to all the financial details and records. To avoid any rancour and bitterness later, couples should discuss and distribute their finances and financial responsibilities equally right from the beginning of their married life. Get a clear idea of your share One must have a clear idea about his/her share before going to stake a claim in the court room. In some of the western countries, women get half of the hard assets acquired during a marriage, such as property, cars, white goods, jewellery and other high-value items. In some states of the US, women are also entitled to get a part of the husband's pension after a marriage. However, in India, the law does not recognise anything as a marital property. All the assets acquired during a marriage are the sole property of the person who had paid for it. To ensure a fair deal at the end of a relationship, one needs to take care in getting clear title of all the assets acquired during the course of a marriage. The best idea would be again to buy all the assets as co-owners. Both the partners should have access to all the financial details, including investments and debts, such as stocks, bonds, mutual funds, bank accounts, credit cards, car loans, home loans etc. Besides the details about joint investments and debts, the two partners should also know the individual financial details, if any. While a woman has no rights to marital property without any clear ownership proof, she can stake her claim for all the gifts, including jewellery, land, property and appliances, given by her parents or in-laws at and during the marriage. These gifts are collectively known as stridhan or woman's wealth. However, sometimes it becomes difficult to prove that these gifts are part of wife's stridhan , as most often there are no records of the asset ownership. The onus lies on the parents that the gifts given to a woman are made in her name with necessary paperwork to prove the ownership at any later stage. Women are also advised to preserve the wedding pictures to prove that she had received jewellery as gifts. Count your monies right Keeping a proper budget ready not only helps in planning for the future financial issues, it also helps in deciding upon a settlement amount at the time of divorce. You need to review all the investment plans, spending patterns and estimate the expenses for the post-settlement period. If you are taking custody of children, you need to figure out the costs and expenses associated with their education, besides overall household expenses. You also needs to know in advance if there are any hidden costs, such as maintenance, outstanding mortgage etc, associated with the house if your are staking claim on it. Experts say that the best idea is to sell a house that was in joint name before the divorce and share the sale proceeds proportionately. Women are required to be extra careful when taking the child custody. Under the law, a father remains natural guardian of a child even if mother takes his/her custody after divorce. The mother can become a guardian only if the father is found to be absent, which is a legally complex term. Therefore, women should stay clear of taking any settlement proceeds, including the property title, in the minor child's name, as the husband would continue to have a final say being a natural guardian of the child. You need to also consider the tax issues associated with the settlement. While there is no specific income-tax law related to the divorce settlements, the tax experts consider the one-time lump sum payment more tax-friendly, rather than the monthly maintenance payments. Keep all documents ready You need to carry a really bulky bag full of records and documents to ensure a fair divorce settlement. A clear idea of all the household financial matters, whether in joint or individual names, also helps in deciding the amount of settlement. To prove one's capacity to pay the settlement amount, you need to provide the court with the proof of his net worth. For this purpose, details about income tax returns, credit cards, mobile phones, hotel and club bills, share certificates and other investment details may prove to be useful during a divorce case. The list can be exhaustive but this will help a lot during the whole process. The documents and related to be kept ready include:• Tax returns for both spouses• Retirement plan records for both spouses• Salary slips of both partners• Employee benefit statements and employee stock option documents• Copies of all insurance policies• All the bank, credit card and brokerage account details• Stock, bonds and mutual fund details• Sale deed or lease agreement of the house• Documents related to all outstanding debts, including home, car and credit card loans• Copies of powers of attorney• Receipts for all big-ticket purchases• Birth and marriage certificates• Details about your childrenGet Professional help Last, but not the least, one should always hire a lawyer for legal aspects and a financial planner to take care of your money matters. Remember that a professional can always get you a better a deal. Therefore, do not shy away from the hefty fees they may charge. Make sure to consult with your lawyer and financial planner before taking any step, such as issuing a statement, moving out of the house, taking a financial decision etc.FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELING CONTACT KAALCHAKRA

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Unveil Your Romantic side

7 steps to Smart Divorce Settlement